Manhood: Do's and do-not's

[Thors]

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a)
When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie
starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) One
hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". (e) When she is using
her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and
eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At
that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the
score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and
only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding s**x pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a)
Yeah, Baby, Push it! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and
we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e.,
both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
you are able to have s**x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.

24: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.

25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition of each is listed below: "GUTS" is arriving home late after a
night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and
having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying
somewhere?" "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the a** and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion,


The International Council of Manhood, Ltd

[Mysticluv]

(e) When she is using her teeth.

Hunny, a real man would grin and bare it....unles she draws blood.

[Pegi]

I dunno about that. Making a man whimper and cry is fun /wickedgrin

[Mcpally]

WEEEEEEEEEE! Pegi is my kind of girl.

[Mysticluv]

They can whimper and cry all they want, but until they guess the code word the handcuffs aint coming off.

[Pegi]

You expect them to be able to think? If they are thinking coherantly you are doing something wrong.

[Mysticluv]

No...but its fun to watch them try.

[Thors]

Men enjoy playing the game too. It's fun to give women a false sense of power, at least during sex. After all, it's a man's world. We like to throw them a bone now and then.

[Mysticluv]

yeah the sense of power's real false when a guy's shackled to the bedposts....ok...

[Pegi]

Isn't he cute Mystic?