Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Only in America ...
1. Only in America ... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America ... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America ... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America ... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America ... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America ... do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
Furthermore ... !!!
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how??? ... )
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (C'mon how many people do you know that don't like their dinner still frozen).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well ... duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." ( ... and you thought??? ... )
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (fot all those inpatient people out there who actually considered it)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (I thought that was the point!! ... )
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to ... what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh ... fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." ( ... was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) ... in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile everyday.
Ever Wonder ... ?
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Mysticluv
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Ever Wonder ... ?
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Thors
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- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 2:54 pm
Re: Ever Wonder ... ?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Hair is dead, so it bleaches. Skin is alive, and tries to stay alive from guarding off damaging rays with pigment.
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
To keep that crap from entering their mouth. At least subconscously we know those chemicals can't be good to ingest. I'ts a survival reflex.
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Because they should be smart enough to keep that to themselves. If not, every lunatic would be at their door, wanting them to use their "powers". to make others rich.
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
To get your attention. That chopping something that is whole, should be done with caution.
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Because you have to keep practicing till you get it right. Medicine is an imperfect science. A lot of trial and error is involved.
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Because you "start" the process of hoping it will shut down propperly.
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
The artificial flavor is enhansing the taste. Making it more paliteable. What most people like to drink or eat has more to do with its taste than it's "realness". For detergent 1: it's a gimick. gimicks sell. Else the real deal has a clensing property such as vinegar, which would be more expensive to fabricate.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Because without your money, he is broke. He leaches from yours.
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Because of the initial 1~2 minutes they rush out of their place of work, only to be faced by thousands trying to do the same thing. Get home asap. They are in a rush, but the reality is, only so many grains can fit through the neck of an hour glass.
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Do I really have to say how grossed out many cat owners would be? While the cat would love to eat a mouse.. the mear notion of it would send their owners running. Not gonna sell.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Homeless, and Grandma's living on a fixed income.
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
There where more, biting on his ass.
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You do what you've been trained to do, even if it doesn't make sense. Remember practice?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Want to pay $10,000 on your next commuter flight?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Because Scottsman fluff them....
I could go on, but I have to get back to work
Hair is dead, so it bleaches. Skin is alive, and tries to stay alive from guarding off damaging rays with pigment.
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
To keep that crap from entering their mouth. At least subconscously we know those chemicals can't be good to ingest. I'ts a survival reflex.
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Because they should be smart enough to keep that to themselves. If not, every lunatic would be at their door, wanting them to use their "powers". to make others rich.
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
To get your attention. That chopping something that is whole, should be done with caution.
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Because you have to keep practicing till you get it right. Medicine is an imperfect science. A lot of trial and error is involved.
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Because you "start" the process of hoping it will shut down propperly.
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
The artificial flavor is enhansing the taste. Making it more paliteable. What most people like to drink or eat has more to do with its taste than it's "realness". For detergent 1: it's a gimick. gimicks sell. Else the real deal has a clensing property such as vinegar, which would be more expensive to fabricate.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Because without your money, he is broke. He leaches from yours.
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Because of the initial 1~2 minutes they rush out of their place of work, only to be faced by thousands trying to do the same thing. Get home asap. They are in a rush, but the reality is, only so many grains can fit through the neck of an hour glass.
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Do I really have to say how grossed out many cat owners would be? While the cat would love to eat a mouse.. the mear notion of it would send their owners running. Not gonna sell.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Homeless, and Grandma's living on a fixed income.
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
There where more, biting on his ass.
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You do what you've been trained to do, even if it doesn't make sense. Remember practice?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Want to pay $10,000 on your next commuter flight?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Because Scottsman fluff them....
I could go on, but I have to get back to work
Last edited by Thors on Mon May 07, 2007 11:42 am, edited 2 times in total.
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ChubzDA
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